umadz-nihon and everywhere...

渋川みひろさんへ、

2007-04-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

久しぶりに、こういうメールをあなたのために書きました。一年間、連絡なんてお互いにしなくて、怒っている気分を持っているに違いありません。
俺も、確かにあったけど、よく考えると、このきっかけは俺の方でした。なので、俺に責めないわけはありません。
でも、今まで許してもらわない気持ちがあるのがわかってます。いつ許してもらうのか、前に考え切れなかったけど、今はもういい、と自分に言い切りました。
お正月に葉書を送ったからして、返事がなかったということで、あなたは俺のことを今までどう思っているだろうか？いつもこの質問をあなたに聞きたいです。
みひろさんは、前に俺のことを大切にしてくれるなんて、忘れられないものです。

ただひとつの嘘をついた切欠に、俺に対していつも悪いことを先に気づいていますか？本当なら、どうしてそんなに気づいているのか？
ちゃんと謝ったと思うのに、許してもらうには、何をしたらいいか教えてください。

何でまたこんなに感じる必要があるのか？

2006-12-11T20:27:00.000+08:00

why do i have to feel this way again?

i thought things won't change that big when you come here. i thought your stay here in japan would only mean i could at last have a better companion here.
but what i feel today is so different. i am somewhat afraid. i am afraid my love for you before will be going back. i don't know why. am i jealous of somebody? am i needed again by you? have i got to love you again, to you loving somebody i have known long before?
i don't really know what happened lately. i am really afraid. i don't want to remember the bitter past. i don't want to do the unwanted past.
but i think i have to confess again. but when?
things are getting crazy at me again.
forgive me...
i think i still love you...

「結婚できない男」というドラマkara

2006-09-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

women at war for an undeserved guy

2006-08-17T07:58:00.000+08:00

two girls were friends for the past three years. the first one has already a relationship with a guy for 9 years, and the other one doesn't. they used to know each other on a same club.
one day a man joined their club and for some time, he has built some interest on the girl with a relationship.
let us call this man akira, and the two girls, the one who has a boyfriend to be airin, and the one who doesn't have be aoi.
akira was feeling something from airin but doesn't just make the advantage; he goes through himself. he started building friendship with her. unknown to him, whenever he ask to have a date with her she lets aoi join them. there was no time that akira and airin have gone out alone together, until a time came their friendship deepen.
then came akira's birthday and she intended to invite airin only, but when aoi greeted him, he unthinkably invited her too. so the three of them went out and had a dinner.
soon aoi, who also has a feeling for akira, asked him why she is not invited in any outings with airin recently. akira said to him that there were things that only he and airin should be involved. but in order to comfort him, he told aoi someday they can go out together. after hearing that, aoi turned her back with a big smile, which akira noticed.
the date of akira and aoi was known by airin. so when the time came that they go out three, airin pushes akira to be with aoi on their way home, while aoi does the same. so akira asked himself why. anyway, just for the sake of friendship, akira usually with aoi on their way home together.
but on contrary to the events, akira has developed a deeper feeling with airin, which later found out by aoi. so when the time came dating each of the girls at a time, he came into silence for the past five days.
without any information, the two girls later, on separate occasions, asked akira what the problem is. akira said nothing.
one after while at the club, airin called akira and asked why. akira said to her that he will tell him if she agrees to date with him. airin agrees, so on that twilight they went on a date. upon going home akira asked airin if he can fetch her til her home, and airin said yes.
aware of the relationship with another guy for a very long time, akira asked airin why she is allowing herself to be with him on a date. airin doesn't know in herself too. she said she recently feel the emptiness and asks the question to herself why. but taking advantage of this opportunity, akira soon secretly asks for a date, and airin agrees.
on that same night, aoi called akira and asked it was so unusual why he became silent all this time. akira told her that there was something i have to do so he had to be silent. adding that there are no problems at all, aoi felt relieved.
there came the time akira has to go abroad and join his family, akira informed the two that he will be gone soon. the two girls somehow felt shocked. he promised that he will invite the two to go out. both agreed.
and the day of that date came. it unlike the previous date, it was a little shorter in time.
and the time has come to say good bye, the two girls waved goodbye to akira. goodbye he said too.
but as the two are going out on separate ways, akira felt the day was not complete...

蒸発する俺、、、とふられた俺（？）

2006-07-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

一体これはどういう意味なのか？
一体なんと言いたいのか？
.
.
.
フィリピンにいる日本語の先生に教えてもらった今日本で起こっている人間蒸発。長年家に帰ってこない人間であるということ。。。

about some teasing...

one of the girls who were training here in japan was with me, and we spent a few days together. i feel from her colleagues that they push me somehow to her.
i don't know why i have to do that. maybe it was the time that i couldn't understand myself anymore. until they saw me kissed her in the forehead, as a way of saying goodbye to her.
but if you will ask me how do i feel about her, i could just only say nothing.
the kiss, for many, would answer their questions like, "looks like they are..."
of course, i can't just ignore that kind of thinking, but the final and definite answer is in me.

one of my friends who i loved knows the answer. i told her.
she is the only one who knows everything although she don't believe.

...

having someone being linked to you is somehow a test of how you will handle the situation. but at that time i could say that i didn't handle enough the situation. i already felt from her that she likes me even before, but even now i can't afford to give the equivalent in return.
liking her just as she is, is something even i cannot prove. although there were many times that i stick to her much, making the situation serious is one thing that i cannot afford to do.
it is unfair if you force yourself to like or love someone who you don't have enough feelings for.
although she was really kind to me, it is really difficult, all the more, that she doesn't display the good she has to the people around her.
maybe, if she shows more of the good she has to those people, especially those who know her, i could be somehow carried away...things could be fair, i think.
i am so blessed for the good attitude that she showed me, but i hope it is not only to me, but also to many people who touches her life.

new adventure blog

2006-05-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

within this month, i will be starting a new blog, basically about my transport adventures here in japan. i already had some of them when i came here for the first time three years ago.
i am planning to put a column of articles like target places (which will be striked out when i have gone already), train lines, etc.
though it may seem to be weird for many, transport adventures (especially train adventures) are somehow like a cheap travel but an interesting one. of course, there will be articles that you can say a "real travel".
hope you will enjoy it.

link: umadz-bokenka

yesterday night was... (2)

2006-04-23T20:57:00.000+08:00

last friday before i went home, yamane-san asked me if i could be available on the next night. he said that he will invite me to watch a concert tour of ai otsuka in yokohama arena. since i don't have any appointment at that time (it was yesterday) so i said i can go. it shall be the first time i will watch a concert of a japanese singer live.

so yesterday (the concert day) he picked me up in my house in chofu and drive all the way to yokohama arena.
we got there just in time. we look for our seats indicated in the ticket (by the way, he gave me the ticket for free, i was lucky enough, thank you very much!) the location of the seat indicated in the ticket we have is at straight center of the stage, although we were on the third floor. i said to yamane-san we are very lucky enough to got a seat that is at straight center.

a few minutes passed after we sat, the concert began. it was a tremendous, very presentable start. maybe ai otsuka have chosen the best vignettes.
by the way, it was ai otsuka's love cook tour. although i have all the love cook mp3s in my pc, i have just listened to them just once. (the one that i was listening, and can sing, is 'sakuranbo' which was i think on her debut album).
ai is very talented indeed, singing her 3 songs while she plays the piano, and singing the songs she wrote in different moods. i really liked the way she delivered herself in the concert, with the help of the best lighting effects and of course, the band and the back-orchestra.
looking at the audience, here in japan, they really participated lively in the concert. they follow the beat of the songs whatever mood every song has.
in our case of course, we were just listening and do some clapping in the middle of the concert. but when ai sang the 'sakuranbo', i and yamane-san definitely sang too.

笑顔さく君とつながってたい
もしあの向こうに見えるものがあるなら
愛し合う二人幸せの空
隣通しあなたとあたしさくらんぼ！

i was very lucky enough to enjoy the concert, because i was not ill (unlike when i watched the bon jovi concert, when i caught a flu a day before).

before the concert, we received some pamphlets from a staff, and one of them has the itinerary of the avex group of singers (which includes kumi koda, ayumi hamasaki, ai otsuka as well, boa etc.) and they will be having a long concert in ajinomoto stadium (which is about 3 minutes walk from my house). i told yamane-san that i will be watching it (because overhearing the concert from my house is not just enough).

すごく楽しみにしていま～す。

Starting to be without you (but I feel i can't)

2005-08-20T13:56:00.000+08:00

all this time i would like to thank God for the days we were together. i still can't believe you allowed youself to be with me despite our current situation. delaying my flight and having another month here is a blessing in disguise. i was given a chance to express how much i love and i care for you and share each day, each moment of happiness, laughter and drama.
...
i don't really want to say good bye to you because i don't want to let this relationship end in my departure. i wanted to hold you and kiss you even though it is not right; for just one chance i could have and i would like to give it. i love you so much and my love really took a long hard time realizing and feeling it. if only time permits i wanna be with you but the reality is here and i have to go in it.
but i still believe that when there is destiny, no matter the reality is, it will come over it, but i still don't know what kind of destiny i would be taking.
i will really miss you, so so much that i just can't leave it behind because of the many moments only the two of us had.
i wanted to shout to the world that i love you, regardless of whatever reactions that will come. it is not wrong to love someone like you. if things are wrong i should have avoided and do the right things in the first place...but i guess loving you is never wrong.

(to be continued...)

The Battle of Two Emotions

2005-06-24T09:11:00.000+08:00

this is the day when i start finding myself confused, nervous, lost and sorry and at the same time, joyous, excited and fulfilled.
i have to let go of some things in exchange for other things to come, but i just can't let go of them because it is so precious to me.
i learned many great incomparable things but i am afraid of getting knowledge and others that somehow might be incomparable in a different environment.
i have to play the songs i really like to play and sing to everybody who is so dear to me, because so far i don't know if i could play the songs to them in not so long time.
i would like to compose a song for the one i love (on my own) but i really need to be alone and emotional for some time before i can do it.
i would like to spend the last days here with the circle of friends i have because i won't be able to see them "live" by my two naked eyes.
i have to sacrifice my democratic life for a better disciplined surrounding.

(to be continued...)

Stricken...

2005-06-13T12:44:00.000+08:00

earlier today was the second time we've been together to go for some tripping or going on such a date, but it was the first time that from the time we met till the time we separated it was only the two of us. i really enjoyed those moments like playing badminton and eating only the two of us, sharing your past experiences (it was the baddest experience you told...) and telling you my past bittersweet relationships. I was just surprised that knowing my real age is a big deal to you ang your friend. it was really unexpected when you knew you two are older than me when i look older than you. until we end up playing at timezone g2 and after it you still can't believe as i saw it in your eyes.
i would really like to join you on your appointment in manila but that was unlikely and it is really none of my business. i would just like to talk and talk to you for the whole day and spent each time of the day with you. i am just hoping that it is more successful than mine, and you being healthier than me.
i am so thankful you have given me a chance to be with you and enjoy some of the thing you really like. i really enjoyed the things we did too, but honestly more than what we have to enjoy at those times is to be with you.
i know your boyfriend knows what we are going to do but it is just natural. i would like to thank him for allowing you to play sports with me.
i just want you to know that i would really like to have more time with you but of course it would be impossible because of your relationship. i would really like to say anything that i feel while being with you but i know this is not the time yet.
i am somehow sorry if i didn't intend to invite your friend; i was so selfish but i just liked to take advantage of enjoying the time with you...i was really bad. but i told you we can let her join so that she can enjoy the things we will do.
although i expect that there could only be one or two occassions that only the two of us to have a date, there's no problem for me as long as we could have even once just to let you know that i have fallen for you and i thank you for making my heart beat again.
upon making this blog i feel so sad and almost likely to cry because i already feel from my heart that i love you and it's just not good for me to do it. your stories really made me feel bad and make me concerned about you even though they happened a long time ago. but i don't have the right to do things that a boyfriend do to his loving girlfriend. i also told you that i am not good in handling relationships but if God permits me to do this again i would really like to try, even if it's not to you.
i have gone so far just to feel and endure my weakness but i believe i don't feel ashamed of this feeling for you. i am not doing anything that will put your relationship in peril. i just pray that my love will find the right person that i could be with forever.
thank you so much for making me love someone like you. it's a big treasure to me. i will miss you in two months time...

Thank you for making me love you...

2005-05-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

I am not likely to make any action, whichever approach it would be to you...
I think there is no wrong with what I feel for you,
But I know I can't reach the place where it would lead.

From the start I am so merry, lucky enough to know you, and go so far like this.
We become friends that is best for me, and I could not ask for anything more.
Although I have the feeling the grows each time we talk, each time we see each other,
But each time I look at you, it seems love is being built in my heart once again.

But I accept whatever destiny is to be with me,
A destiny without you for the rest of my life...
But I would like to thank you with all of my heart
For letting my heart love someone like you again.

Let the love be on my side only; I know your heart beats for someone.
Let me hug you and caress you, for I might not do it again...
Let me tell you I love you, and just don't say any word...
Because I cannot go beyond...

あなたが居ぬ生きて行けない

2005-05-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

アナタハワタシノジンセイニキテ、
イッショニデキルニキマッテイル。
アナタハワタシニココロヲサワッテ、
スグアナタノココロモサワリタイ。
アナタヲミタコトヲキッカケニ、
ココロハシアワセノサケビシタイヨ！
アナタヲアイシテイルトセカイチュウニサケビタイヨ！

ワタシハアナタガソバニイナケレバ、
イキテユケナイモノヨ！
ワタシハアナタガスキダカラ、
アナタノタメニシニタイヨ！
ワタシハアナタノコトヲワスレナケレバ、
ケッシテワスレラレナイヨ！
ワタシハアナタノココロヲモラッテ、
ワタシノモカンガエズニアゲルヨ！

ツヅク

Beautiful

2005-04-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

I always used to colour up when you came by
Without any reason
The little things could make me feel so high
I just can’t believe it

I used to wait to see you almost every day
You could not avoid me
All I could do was look away
I could not perceive it

Beautiful, beautiful
That’s what you are

I couldn’t help but drowning in those eyes of blue
An utter shattered feeling
And the gentle pain you put me through
Oh no, but somehow I need it

Beautiful, beautiful
That’s what you will always be to me
Oh beautiful, so beautiful
That’s what you are
You give me reason

I’ll never dare to show just how I feel for you
It proves my weakness
No other love can do to you
But the little things still make me feel so high

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
That’s what you will always be to me
Oh beautiful,so beautiful
That’s what you are
You give me reason

Like no one ever will, only you, beautiful
Oh like no one makes me feel
No, only you, beautiful, beautiful
You give me reason

(dedicated to muyak; words of one of the beautiful Ten Sharp songs that i listen.)

Those Were the Hates

2005-03-28T19:44:00.000+08:00

these days were really like a curse to him...
he walked through miles of noisy roads, loitered within the metropolitan wilds, enjoyed some different kinds of gimmicks, kept on thinking and thinking, found himself inside the city...all alone.
he thinks this is really his fate for now. while he is avoiding to do the characteristic courtship to the girl he liked, he feels like he is also dejected. he himself could not understand clearly why do those things happen...
well, as far as he knows, he came up with such feeling of solitude for a while.
it began in august last year...when he finally failed to rescue his heart from hate.
he had two girlfriends, the longer was with his first, and with her he really enjoyed the time loving and being loved. he somehow accepted that he was not alone. but the breakup was unavoidable because he felt her temper was already done...and he didn't have any chance to mend the damage anymore. but even though they, at that time, officialy broke up, they still used to be with each other but not all the time. they still play billiards and badminton just the two of them back then...
until came the next girl...who for less than a week after the acquaintance, gave her heart to him as well as he did, but it seemed that the love is not really the love that they needed. with that hard feelings and disagreement with each other's point of view, he finally made the decision...
with that incident he had the intention of coming back to his first, but in the first place she didn't allowed herself to return.
and so started the doomed days...

he also made himself some crushes and kata-omoi's but he restricted himself and limited to befriending instead because he feels that in case he is off for work abroad, and had another relationship, he would just leave the girl and might promise not to go back. so to avoid that pain he just understand the reality and did not pursue someone anymore.
but along with the limited life, many cherishable things seemed to stop.
he started to ignore some of his lady friends' apologies and keeps the anger to them. when those incidents happened he really disliked the way they made the days and nights with him. they made him tired and disappointed...she made him expect and then never expect anymore...he was confused and upset, but no right to say what he feels.

he chose the wilderness in the world of love. the black sun seems to rise everyday and sets with moon also shines its blackness as well. but he would just put in his mind that for the time being, love is dead and later will seek its resurrection. he would want to stay in the loneliest place in the world until he chooses the paradise.

those were the hates and they still continue along with the bright sides of his life. it is so odd to emphasize all of the hates in this article, as he suggested, but he said he would feel more doomed if his messages cannot find an output like this. no friends would ever listen with sympathy...everyone wants brighter happiness in their lives.

一人ばかりで好きなだけやったりすればどんなにいいだろう。。。

2005-03-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

i feel like i am always being trained to do many things and to live alone, but i still have to know many things for survival. i somehow need to cook, to clean my room up to the cleanest everyone should seem, to go buy those you need at the market...
i am not telling anybody honestly where i will go after my quitting plans in my company, because i still could not guarantee myself where i shall be going...
but while i am waiting for that moment, i enjoy myself a lot, alone. i went bowling for twice to thrice a week, and played badminton with my siblings. of course there goes some repairs concerning computer stuffs, and making cad programs.
speaking of cad programs, i wanted to make my own so that i could use it in my professional work, after of course i am through with my employment abroad. that would simply help me finish all the jobs easily.
i somehow believe in my abilities and using a little of my pride, i would not want to work as an employee forever. especially, if i would be going abroad (because there are very rare people who work abroad for as long as 10 years), i would want to use all those i am about to learn for my plans in the future. it is very hard to say i will work abroad for a long time...unless that kind of opportunity comes to you.
for me, for now, how good it is doing anything you like by yourself, but of course, the best of what you do comes when there are people who support you...no matter who they are, what they are and where they may come from...i won't really exist without them...i could be nobody without them...
and of course, the best of the best will come if i put Jehovah God in everything i do...i am nothing and i don't exist without HIM.

The Story of the Rat: Shameful (ねずみの話)

2005-03-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

授業中に、先生達「先生と学生」は、私の指を見て、びっくりしました。でも、彼らは笑い続きました。そのときに、指はだんだん痛んでいました。だから、つい先生に許可をもらわないで、すぐ教室を飛び出して、自分の部屋に入りました。
突然に、ちょうど部屋に入って、誰かが笑っていました。私がそのものを探していたのだけど、誰も、何も見つけませんでした。その笑いものは、音が、だんだん大きくなっていました。むかむかしていました。私は、その部屋の中は明るくても、どうしてそのものを見つけないか分からないといいました。
でも、後で気が付かないで、休みました。１５分ぐらいあと、電話は鳴って、くれました。先生でした。先生は、「どうしたの」と聞きました。
「酷くなっています、指は」と答えました。恥ずかしいし、酷くなるし、だから、今休みたいといいました。「分かりました」と言いました、先生は。
電話をしながら、足の上を、何か這いました。私は、見つけて、ねずみでした。外の方に速く走りながら、笑っていました。でも、速く走ってひましたから、ガラス扉が開いていませんでしたから、ねずみは飛んで、頭は扉のガラスに突き当たりました。そのとき、私の笑う順番でした。後で、張っていた靴を脱いで、そして、ねずみを殺しました。でも、まだ死なないで、笑い続きました。だから、何回か靴で殺してみて、やっと、死にました。大変疲れましたよ。
でも、部屋の床は大変でしたから、掃除の人に頼んで、私の部屋は、もう一度掃除させました。
昼食時間でした。フィリピン人と一緒にお昼ご飯を食べていました。彼らは私の指を気がつきました。「何で指がそんなに成ったの」って。
私、「ねずみのせいだ」と言いました。
「ねずみ？？？」、そして、笑っていました。その笑いを食堂にいた皆が聞こえました。だから、私が恥ずかしくなって、指を隠しました。それで、一手で食べていました。大変ですよ。
「どうして指が隠すの？見せて！」って友達が言いました。そのときに、私はそろそろむかむかします。でも、彼女の友達は「笑えば、彼が怒るほどなのよ。。。」って、私は安心して、気持ちがよくなって。。。
なんか、私も変はことを気がつきました。彼女は僕に、見つめていました。ちょっと恥ずかしいのです。でも、見つめてるだけじゃなく、笑顔にしました。だから、私はよく食べられないで。。。彼女にも、見つめていました。
そばの友達か気がついて、痛み指を触って。。。叫んじゃった！「いた～～～い！！！」だから、彼を殴っちゃって、もっと指が痛みました。それから、もう涙は出て来ました。

私は本当にかわいそうでした。。。
彼女に恥ずかしいし、指が痛いし、それに、友達が「ねずみマン」って何回か呼んで「子供っぽい」、その日は、がっかりの日でした。
昼食後に、ずっと部屋にいて、休みました。次の授業に出席しないで、薬をかけて、ベッドに休んで、寝てしまいました。
起きたとき、そとにみて、「夜になっちゃった」って、すぐ立てました。でも、指が重くなって、痛みました。痛みながら、時計で見て、「もう九時だ」って！。。。大変！！！

（つづく）

The Story of the Rat: Natsuyasumi (ねずみの話)

2005-03-05T22:54:00.000+08:00

this short story was the only story i made when i was in japan. i started doing this when i was in tokyo, and up to know i have not concluded it yet. hope i could conclude this sooner...
今日は、はじめまして。フィリピンのホーマーと申します。
背の高さは１７３センチ、重さは６１キロです。
日本へくる前に、重さは５５キロだけで、体の調子があまり元気じゃなかったですけれども、今はほとんど大丈夫ようです。日本料理は好きなようになるからです。でも、６週間あと、私はおなかが大きくなりました。一週間ごと、卵とかご飯「おおもり」とか豚肉とかをたくさん食べていました。それでは、私は７週間前比べて、もっと重くなりました。
それで、今心配しています。日本にもっと１２週間滞在していますから、日本料理を食べさせています。フィリピンに帰る前に、歩かないかもしれません。あるとき、夜は食べ過ぎて、頭とおなかが痛くて、早く寝られませんでした。ですから、寝る前に、たくさん勉強しました。勉強したレッスンは日本語の中級でしたから、頭がもっと痛みました。そのレッスンは大変難しかったので、何も頭に入りませんでした。でも、結局、眠かったです。それで、私のベッドが柔らか過ぎて、床で寝ることにしました。
多分一時間後、ねずみは私のところにきて、私の指を噛みました。「いた～い」と叫びました。指を見て、様子が本当によくありませんでした。そして、気分が悪くなって来ました。どんどんむかむかしました。
胃の中にあった全部が口から出ました。何もかも出たら、血が少しずつ出ました。そのあと、倒れて、動かなかったのです。でも、死ななくて、よかったですね。
私は多分３時に寝ました。それで、１０時に起きました。私は日本語の授業にもう遅れましたから、早くお風呂に入って、服を着て、靴を吐いて、すぐ部屋を出かけました。でも、指はひどくなりましたから、歩きながら泣いていました。指の色がもう黒っぽかったです。でも、仕方がありませんので、そのままにしました。教室に入ったとき、先生は休憩したところです。ほかの人はトイレに入りました。先生は私の痛い指が見たら、驚きました。「ホーマーさん、指はどうしたの」って言いました。私は「ねずみに噛まれた」と言いました。そして、先生は笑っていました。「えっ・・・なんで」と言って、先生は笑い続けました。先生は「ねずみがあなたのベッドで散歩して、指を噛みましたよね・・・」と言いました。。。「つづく」

The results of the Nihongo exam (日本語能力試験の結果)

2005-03-02T16:00:00.000+08:00

during lunch time of this day, my sensei sent me a surprising text message. he said that i passed the nouryoku shiken level 2 that i took last december. i was really surprised because i was not expecting that i will pass the exam and did not even mind it several days after the exam. i told myself that it's hard for me to say that i could pass the exam, because i still think of my weaknesses and that even the test justified that i did not recover from it yet. i thought i was poor in choukai and dokkai (listening and reading comprehensions, respectively).
well, i just only received a greeting from my sensei and haven't known the scores yet. but i can still wait. i think knowing the results is still ok with for now. but of course, for those who depend on the exam results, knowing the scores is more important to them even if they passed.
but this passing of the exam doesn't actually bring me to a higher level of my career. but knowing this news just tells me how much i earned from my nihongo studies, and how much capable i am in this language.
my gratitude will go to all of the people who taught me valuable items and strategies (somehow). most especially, to my sensei who gave all the support, shared knowledge and endless thoughts. romi, a japanese friend who i met in japan, for the reinforcing support and ideas as well. i am so sorry that i haven't given her a time for some conversations but i know our friendship will never end.
i wonder how my classmates did in the exam but i believe, by judging their determination, they will all pass the exam. i hope we still go as nice as, or better than before...

Papatayin natin siya! (パパタイン・ナティン・シャアー！) Part 1

2005-02-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

i watched Constantine (a film by keanu reeves), driven by something that turned my curiosity in. from my nihongo class in central manila, i went straight to shangri-la mall via fx, passing through starmall and the mrt shaw boulevard station. with just a floor up from the entrance to shangri-la mall via the station, i was able to buy a ticket (i always watch movie alone!), then went down to chowking and eat my dinner there. as i go down by an express escalator, a mini-concert was about to be held along my way, and the conductor of that concert (it was an orchestra) is ryan cayabyab, a very famous composer and songwriter in the philippines. i really like listening to his music and the orchestra which he was conducting (the san miguel philharmonic) is an orchestra that puts a lot of rhythm and beat in an orchestral music.
what a waste, i already bought my ticket for constantine!

anyway, let's get back to the real topic.
the movie is somewhat a horror and intellectual (it all about the angels and devils existing in the earth, and exorcism). but i was twisted by that movie and i was not able to put the right connections in every part of the movie.
odoroita koto ni (the surprising thing is), on the first parts of the movie, while a lady in an apartment possessed by the devil is being exorcised by constantine (keanu reeves), the devil spoke through her a tagalog phrase! "Papatayin natin siya!" (俺等は彼女を殺すぞ！), it said.
but one thing i understand for sure, is that before that scene came, the woman's mother was doing something in the kitchen before her mother called her (who was already possessed), and in the kitchen, a philippine flag is stuck on the wall. of course filipinos live in that apartment as well as they speak tagalog as their common language. that is why it is expected that devil may speak the language of the body he possesses.
although many of us know that a devil or some other kind of a being possessing a girl (mostly) somehow occurs many times in this country, we would react and say ours shall be known with what that part of the movie showed. for the minds of many, this adds in the lowering of the reputation of our country. to the extent of my knowledge, every country has its own kind of supernatural occurences, but you may think why someone in a filipino community was chosen to act like that in the movie. do you have any idea?
anyway, at last i was able to endure watching a horror movie (but constantine is just moderate, i think), because i cannot withstand watching horror movies for a long time. here in the philippines, korean and southeast asian horror movies are shown (and none of them did i dare watch). actually, before constantine was filmed, i even happen to watch a trailer of bunshinsaka (a korean horror film, but sounds like japanese, isn't it?) i was shocked when a girl's eyes are scarely zoomed. since then, it helps me think of unnatural things and not to sleep tight in the night.
some advice about watching constantine: it you are curious about the movie, watch it twice.

Bombing Terror in Makati (マカティ市における爆弾テロ)

2005-02-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

I will post later some reports and my point of view about this terrorists' attack near my officeplace in Makati.
今後マカティ市でのテロ襲いについてのレポートや私の意見をここにポストしますのでお待ちください。

A Song for a Kata-omoi

2005-02-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

it's worth a day for me even if you don't know
even if you don't see and even if you don't feel
just some thought of that kind,
just some moment of that kind;
it's never meaningless to me.

just seeing you around there even if you don't see me
just hearing your voice even if you don't hear me
even if it's just an echo to me,
even if it's like a shadow to me;
it's never meaningless to me.

*and i am contented to that
i am already satisfied
with just your presence in my day
is like the energy of my life...
and i never regret i've been through
with the nothings i have for you
it's never meaningless to me
even if i'm never meaningful to you!

**and i never mind what they may say
of the shallow happiness i have...
it's never meaningless to me
even if i am nothing to you...

自分で作った作詞は積算部のベスちゃんのためである。久しぶりの作詞はやっとできた！一番目のガールフレンドができて以来、作詞することはできなかったのである。そのことは何とか心配したものであった。だけれど、いるベスちゃんと知り合うのをきっかけに、愛をかまわなくても、せめていい気持ちはまた持っている。ありがとう、ベスちゃん！

Can you read the japanese texts?

2005-02-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

はじめまして。芳馬と申します。今日からブロッグというサイトを作ったり、メッセージをポストしたりして始めます。ポストを読めるあなたたちがいれば、読めないほかの人もいますので、ほかは読みたいならご連絡ください。

Can you read the message above? If you can read it, the japanese language system is already installed in your computer. And if not, please contact me and I will teach you how to install the japanese language system in your computer.

Hajime no Page (The Starting Page)

2005-02-06T18:10:00.000+08:00

From this time, I will be starting my blog-posting and be open to those who are interested in reading my blog. At first I would say I can be boring at producing an interesting blog of mine on my own, but I would like to try if this could be a great thing to read on. Hope you enjoy this one...