Sunday, April 08, 2007

渋川みひろさんへ、

久しぶりに、こういうメールをあなたのために書きました。一年間、連絡なんてお互いにしなくて、怒っている気分を持っているに違いありません。
俺も、確かにあったけど、よく考えると、このきっかけは俺の方でした。なので、俺に責めないわけはありません。
でも、今まで許してもらわない気持ちがあるのがわかってます。いつ許してもらうのか、前に考え切れなかったけど、今はもういい、と自分に言い切りました。
お正月に葉書を送ったからして、返事がなかったということで、あなたは俺のことを今までどう思っているだろうか?いつもこの質問をあなたに聞きたいです。
みひろさんは、前に俺のことを大切にしてくれるなんて、忘れられないものです。

ただひとつの嘘をついた切欠に、俺に対していつも悪いことを先に気づいていますか?本当なら、どうしてそんなに気づいているのか?
ちゃんと謝ったと思うのに、許してもらうには、何をしたらいいか教えてください。

Monday, December 11, 2006

何でまたこんなに感じる必要があるのか?

why do i have to feel this way again?

i thought things won't change that big when you come here. i thought your stay here in japan would only mean i could at last have a better companion here.
but what i feel today is so different. i am somewhat afraid. i am afraid my love for you before will be going back. i don't know why. am i jealous of somebody? am i needed again by you? have i got to love you again, to you loving somebody i have known long before?
i don't really know what happened lately. i am really afraid. i don't want to remember the bitter past. i don't want to do the unwanted past.
but i think i have to confess again. but when?
things are getting crazy at me again.
forgive me...
i think i still love you...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

「結婚できない男」というドラマkara

Thursday, August 17, 2006

women at war for an undeserved guy

two girls were friends for the past three years. the first one has already a relationship with a guy for 9 years, and the other one doesn't. they used to know each other on a same club.
one day a man joined their club and for some time, he has built some interest on the girl with a relationship.
let us call this man akira, and the two girls, the one who has a boyfriend to be airin, and the one who doesn't have be aoi.
akira was feeling something from airin but doesn't just make the advantage; he goes through himself. he started building friendship with her. unknown to him, whenever he ask to have a date with her she lets aoi join them. there was no time that akira and airin have gone out alone together, until a time came their friendship deepen.
then came akira's birthday and she intended to invite airin only, but when aoi greeted him, he unthinkably invited her too. so the three of them went out and had a dinner.
soon aoi, who also has a feeling for akira, asked him why she is not invited in any outings with airin recently. akira said to him that there were things that only he and airin should be involved. but in order to comfort him, he told aoi someday they can go out together. after hearing that, aoi turned her back with a big smile, which akira noticed.
the date of akira and aoi was known by airin. so when the time came that they go out three, airin pushes akira to be with aoi on their way home, while aoi does the same. so akira asked himself why. anyway, just for the sake of friendship, akira usually with aoi on their way home together.
but on contrary to the events, akira has developed a deeper feeling with airin, which later found out by aoi. so when the time came dating each of the girls at a time, he came into silence for the past five days.
without any information, the two girls later, on separate occasions, asked akira what the problem is. akira said nothing.
one after while at the club, airin called akira and asked why. akira said to her that he will tell him if she agrees to date with him. airin agrees, so on that twilight they went on a date. upon going home akira asked airin if he can fetch her til her home, and airin said yes.
aware of the relationship with another guy for a very long time, akira asked airin why she is allowing herself to be with him on a date. airin doesn't know in herself too. she said she recently feel the emptiness and asks the question to herself why. but taking advantage of this opportunity, akira soon secretly asks for a date, and airin agrees.
on that same night, aoi called akira and asked it was so unusual why he became silent all this time. akira told her that there was something i have to do so he had to be silent. adding that there are no problems at all, aoi felt relieved.
there came the time akira has to go abroad and join his family, akira informed the two that he will be gone soon. the two girls somehow felt shocked. he promised that he will invite the two to go out. both agreed.
and the day of that date came. it unlike the previous date, it was a little shorter in time.
and the time has come to say good bye, the two girls waved goodbye to akira. goodbye he said too.
but as the two are going out on separate ways, akira felt the day was not complete...

Monday, July 03, 2006

蒸発する俺、、、とふられた俺(?)

一体これはどういう意味なのか?
一体なんと言いたいのか?
.
.
.
フィリピンにいる日本語の先生に教えてもらった今日本で起こっている人間蒸発。長年家に帰ってこない人間であるということ。。。


about some teasing...

one of the girls who were training here in japan was with me, and we spent a few days together. i feel from her colleagues that they push me somehow to her.
i don't know why i have to do that. maybe it was the time that i couldn't understand myself anymore. until they saw me kissed her in the forehead, as a way of saying goodbye to her.
but if you will ask me how do i feel about her, i could just only say nothing.
the kiss, for many, would answer their questions like, "looks like they are..."
of course, i can't just ignore that kind of thinking, but the final and definite answer is in me.

one of my friends who i loved knows the answer. i told her.
she is the only one who knows everything although she don't believe.

...

having someone being linked to you is somehow a test of how you will handle the situation. but at that time i could say that i didn't handle enough the situation. i already felt from her that she likes me even before, but even now i can't afford to give the equivalent in return.
liking her just as she is, is something even i cannot prove. although there were many times that i stick to her much, making the situation serious is one thing that i cannot afford to do.
it is unfair if you force yourself to like or love someone who you don't have enough feelings for.
although she was really kind to me, it is really difficult, all the more, that she doesn't display the good she has to the people around her.
maybe, if she shows more of the good she has to those people, especially those who know her, i could be somehow carried away...things could be fair, i think.
i am so blessed for the good attitude that she showed me, but i hope it is not only to me, but also to many people who touches her life.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

new adventure blog

within this month, i will be starting a new blog, basically about my transport adventures here in japan. i already had some of them when i came here for the first time three years ago.
i am planning to put a column of articles like target places (which will be striked out when i have gone already), train lines, etc.
though it may seem to be weird for many, transport adventures (especially train adventures) are somehow like a cheap travel but an interesting one. of course, there will be articles that you can say a "real travel".
hope you will enjoy it.

link: umadz-bokenka

Sunday, April 23, 2006

yesterday night was... (2)


last friday before i went home, yamane-san asked me if i could be available on the next night. he said that he will invite me to watch a concert tour of ai otsuka in yokohama arena. since i don't have any appointment at that time (it was yesterday) so i said i can go. it shall be the first time i will watch a concert of a japanese singer live.

so yesterday (the concert day) he picked me up in my house in chofu and drive all the way to yokohama arena.
we got there just in time. we look for our seats indicated in the ticket (by the way, he gave me the ticket for free, i was lucky enough, thank you very much!) the location of the seat indicated in the ticket we have is at straight center of the stage, although we were on the third floor. i said to yamane-san we are very lucky enough to got a seat that is at straight center.

a few minutes passed after we sat, the concert began. it was a tremendous, very presentable start. maybe ai otsuka have chosen the best vignettes.
by the way, it was ai otsuka's love cook tour. although i have all the love cook mp3s in my pc, i have just listened to them just once. (the one that i was listening, and can sing, is 'sakuranbo' which was i think on her debut album).
ai is very talented indeed, singing her 3 songs while she plays the piano, and singing the songs she wrote in different moods. i really liked the way she delivered herself in the concert, with the help of the best lighting effects and of course, the band and the back-orchestra.
looking at the audience, here in japan, they really participated lively in the concert. they follow the beat of the songs whatever mood every song has.
in our case of course, we were just listening and do some clapping in the middle of the concert. but when ai sang the 'sakuranbo', i and yamane-san definitely sang too.

笑顔さく君とつながってたい
もしあの向こうに見えるものがあるなら
愛し合う二人幸せの空
隣通しあなたとあたしさくらんぼ!

i was very lucky enough to enjoy the concert, because i was not ill (unlike when i watched the bon jovi concert, when i caught a flu a day before).

before the concert, we received some pamphlets from a staff, and one of them has the itinerary of the avex group of singers (which includes kumi koda, ayumi hamasaki, ai otsuka as well, boa etc.) and they will be having a long concert in ajinomoto stadium (which is about 3 minutes walk from my house). i told yamane-san that i will be watching it (because overhearing the concert from my house is not just enough).

すごく楽しみにしていま~す。